Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
