i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
