I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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