you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Randomize
