Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
