Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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