So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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