A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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