"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
