How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
