White coat. Heels.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
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She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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