So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We're too hungover to prance.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
