Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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