Tell her she can't have a vagina
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
