No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
