I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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