Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
