You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
