im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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