dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
