New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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