just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
