I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize