I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
