Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
