I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
