But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
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Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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