It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
