So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
