tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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