Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
