I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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