Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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