The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize