I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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