the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
