allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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