got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
