I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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