she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
