grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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