This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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