i was born a porn star she said
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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