idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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