Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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