My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
