I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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