Well apparently he's into motor boating.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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