You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
