8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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