If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
