Where did you get a picture of my penis
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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