Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
