My hand turned me down
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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