do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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