there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
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My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I don't deserve a penis
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He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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