I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
