my phone needs a breathalizer
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
