Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
