I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
