i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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