You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
