my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
