I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
