Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize