So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
