Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
