There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
