i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
