On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
