I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
