Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
