Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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