This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
