i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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