He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
