I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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