Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize