If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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